看笑话学英语 – 经典段子加爆笑翻译,其五

81、The difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer is in the taste.

82、I like work. It fascinates me. I sit and look at it for hours.
啊我好爱好爱工作啊~ 工作让我好着迷啊~我死盯着它几个小时了!

83、We have enough gun control. What we need is idiot control.

84、Women may not hit harder, but they hit lower.

85、To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

86、Jesus loves you, but everyone else thinks you’re an asshole.

87、I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not sure.
a. 过去老子左右为难。现在老子优柔寡断。
b. 我曾是个怀疑论者,现在我很怀疑这一点。
c. 过去我难以决断,现在我不大确信是否还是如此。

88、I don’t trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn’t die.

89、If you keep your feet firmly on the ground, you’ll have trouble putting on your pants.

90、Some people hear voices.. Some see invisible people.. Others have no imagination whatsoever.

看笑话学英语 – 经典段子加爆笑翻译,其四

61、My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you’re ugly too.
心理医师:你神经病!!! 我:能说点别的吗?

62、 A little boy asked his father, “Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?” Father replied, “I don’t know son, I’m still paying.”

63、 Some people say “If you can’t beat them, join them”. I say “If you can’t beat them, beat them”, because they will be expecting you to join them, so you will have the element of surprise.

64、When in doubt, mumble.

65、I intend to live forever. So far, so good.

66、Hospitality: making your guests feel like they’re at home, even if you wish they were

67、If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you!

68、A TV can insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a computer.

69、Knowledge is power, and power corrupts. So study hard and be evil.

70、Money can’t buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

看笑话学英语 – 经典段子加爆笑翻译,其三

41、 God must love stupid people. He made SO many.

42、The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.

43、The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.

44、To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

45、Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.

46、 I discovered I scream the same way whether I’m about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.

47、Crowded elevators smell different to midgets.

48、I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

49、 Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says “If an emergency, notify:” I put “DOCTOR”. What’s my mother going to do?
当我填表的时候,有一项是“紧急情况联系:” 我填上了“医生”,到时候我妈能帮上什么忙?!

50、Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

看笑话学英语 – 经典段子加爆笑翻译,其二

21、A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station..

22、If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea… does that mean that one enjoys it?

23、Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

24、If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.

25、Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

26、I didn’t fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian

27、How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

28、If I agreed with you we’d both be wrong.

29、 Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?

30、A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
a. 下棋,我不行;玩跆拳道,电脑不行!
b. 下象棋电脑把我玩得团团转,拳击我能把机箱踹得七零八散!

看笑话学英语 – 经典段子加爆笑翻译,其一

1、I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
我希望能像爷爷那样,安静地在睡梦中死去…… 而不是要像他开的车上那些惨叫滴乘客一样死法啊!

2、I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
开始我直接求上帝赐辆自行车。 后来我琢磨上帝办事儿不是这个路数。 于是老子偷了一辆然后求上帝宽恕。

3、Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

4、The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it’s still on the list.



5、If sex is a pain in the ass, then you’re doing it wrong…

a. 如觉嘿咻乃屁眼不能承受之痛,那是你操错洞…

b. 若XXOO是下体的痛,那么,是你操错。

6、The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

a. 早起滴小鸟有虫虫!晚到的老鼠有奶酪!

b. 早起的鸟儿有虫吃,早起的虫儿被鸟吃。

7、We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.

8、Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don’t have a good partner, you’d better have a good hand.
XXOO就象打桥牌。 如果对手不好使,自己的手必须好使。

9、 Some people are like Slinkies … not really good for anything, but you can’t help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.
有些人就像 Slinkies (弹簧玩具),没什么实在用处,但看他们在楼梯上倒腾来捣腾去还是很有喜感。

10、Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.

吵架时也能装B – 办公室吵架专用英语短句

1.   Put up or shut up. 你行你上,不行别BB。
2.    You’re nothing to me. 你P都不是。
3.    Cut it out. 省省吧。
4.    Take a hike! 哪凉快哪歇着去。
5.    Get outta my face. 给我滚。
6.    Mind your own business. 少管闲事。
7.     Stop complaining! 别发牢骚!
8.     What’s your problem? 你怎么回事啊?
9.     It’s none of your business. 关你屁事!
10.    You’re crazy! 你疯了!
11.    You’re a jerk! 你是个废物/混球!
12.    Don’t bother me. 别烦我。
13.    Knock it off. 少来这一套。
14.    Are you insane/crazy/out of your mind? 你疯了吗?
15.    Leave me alone. 走开。
16.    Get lost.滚开!
17.    Who do you think you are? 你以为你是哪根葱?
18.    You piss me off. 你气死我了。
19.    I don’t want to see your face! 我不愿再见到你!